I have a very heavy heart right now because Sandy McDonnell passed away. You see, he was my hero. Like many others who knew and loved this great man, I now feel a huge emptiness in my life that I know will never be filled. I loved Sandy like a father.

It was a great blessing to have him in my corner for the five years I served as CEP’s executive director. Anyone who knows me would surely tell you that I needed all the help I could get, too. And that was especially true since I had no experience in the nonprofit sector until Sandy and others hired me.

Fortunately, on the work front, Sandy was always there for me. He coached and guided me through all of the really important and tough areas of running any organization—like financial management, strategic planning, human resources and more.

And, Sandy did all of this mentoring quietly and behind-the-scenes. Board members, staff and others never knew all he did for me from the shadows. That’s because Sandy was one of those very rare but genuine servant leaders that many of us read about but never meet. He couldn’t care less about being in the spotlight. Instead, he worked to make everyone else around him shine.

Along my journey with Sandy, there is no doubt he taught me a lot about being a better leader and manager. However, what I really learned from him was how to be a better person. We talked about this topic often which will come as no surprise. Heck, everyone knows that developing good people was Job #1 for Sandy. However, most of what I learned from him on this front was from the example he set. It’s no fluke that he planted roots in the “Show Me” state—he showed me, and thousands of others, what good character looks like in action.

So it was in this other far more important area, the one called life, where Sandy McDonnell taught me the most. Through example, he showed me how to be a good husband and father…how to be humble…how to be nonjudgmental…how to treat others with dignity and respect…how to talk less and listen more…how to be totally honest at all times…how to maintain a sense of humor and positive attitude…how to give back…and, even when dying, how to maintain faith, dignity and strength in the gravest of situations.

Yes, Sandy McDonnell taught lots of us how to be better managers. However, far more importantly, he taught us how to be better human beings. And he taught in the most effective way possible–by the way he lived and the example he set. Sandy understood what was really important in life—good character. More importantly, he showed us what it looks like in action.

There are lots of tributes being written about Sandy right now by many others who knew and loved him. However, I believe all of us can best honor him by pledging to follow his example and doing all that we can to live good and decent lives ourselves. Furthermore, I believe we should also commit to continuing the important work he started and led for most of his life–developing good character in young people. If we do these two things, I know that our dear Sandy will look down from above with a giant smile on his face.

We appreciate your existence, Sandy…and loved you dearly.

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Warning signs that your child is being bullied

If your child is bullied it means that a peer or peers are intentionally causing her or him pain. Peer abuse! Just the thought can send shivers down our spines.

But the fact is 160,000 children skip school every day because they fear being attacked or intimidated by other students. Reports also confirm that bullying is starting at younger ages and is more frequent and aggressive than before. And the cruel behavior increases with age. Chances are your child may be bullied.

Also troubling is that our children don’t always tell us that they have been bullied. I’ve spent many a meeting with kids who were repeatedly victimized and in clear emotional pain.

“Why didn’t you go to a trusted adult for help?” I’d ask.

Their replies were concerning:

“I did tell my mom. She didn’t believe me.”

“I tried to tell, but I got too embarrassed.”

“If I told my dad he would have only made things worse by yelling at the bully.”

“Why bother? The stuff my mom told me to try wouldn’t work.”

Repeated bullying causes severe emotional harm and can erode a child’s self-esteem and mental health. Whether bullying is verbal, physical or relational, the long-term effects are equally harmful. Both boys and girls report high levels of emotional distress and loneliness as well as lower self-esteem, loneliness, anxiety and depression. Some situations the outcome is tragic: the child may take his or her own life.

So it’s time to get savvy and learn the warning signs of bullying. Bullying is always intentional, mean-spirited, rarely happens only once and there is always a power imbalance. The victim cannot hold his own and often will need adult help. Your child may not feel comfortable telling you about his pain, but if you know these signs your child is being bullied and tune in closer, you might be able to start bullying prevention in your home.

Signs Your Child Is Being Bullied

Here are possible warnings that a child may be bullied and needs your support. Of course, these signs could indicate other problems, but any of these warrant looking into further. See my blog, Signs of Cyber-bullying for signs of electronic bullying. Every child is different and any child can have an “off” day, so look instead of a pattern of behavior that is not typical for your child.
 1. Unexplained physical marks, cuts, bruises and scrapes
 2. Unexplained loss of toys, school supplies, clothing, lunches, or money
 3. Clothes, toys, books, electronic items are damaged or missing or child reports mysteriously “losing” possessions
 4. Doesn’t want to go to school or other activities with peers
 5. Afraid of riding the school bus
 6. Afraid to be left alone: wants you there at dismissal, suddenly clingy
 7. Suddenly sullen, withdrawn, evasive; remarks about feeling lonely
 8. Marked change in typical behavior or personality
 9. Appears sad, moody, angry, anxious or depressed and that mood lasts with no known cause
 10. Physical complaints; headaches, stomachaches, frequent visits the school nurse’s office
 11. Difficulty sleeping, nightmares, cries self to sleep, bed wetting
 12. Change in eating habits
 13. Begins bullying siblings or younger kids. (Bullied children can sometimes flip their role and become the bully.)
 14. Waits to get home to use the bathroom. (School and park bathrooms, because they are often not adult-supervised, can be hot spots for bullying).
 15. Suddenly has fewer friends or doesn’t want to be with the “regular group”
 16. Ravenous when he comes home. (Bullies can use extortion stealing a victim’s lunch money or lunch.)
 17. Sudden and significant drop in grades. (Bullying can cause a child to have difficulty focusing and concentrating.)
 18. Blames self for problems; feels “not good enough”
 19. Talks about feeling helpless or about suicide; runs away.

What to Do if You Suspect Bullying but Aren’t Sure

Kids often don’t tell adults they’re bullied so you may have to voice your concerns. Review the signs of bullying and then ask direct questions.

“You’re always hungry: have you been eating your lunch?”
“Your CDs are missing? Did someone take them?”
“Your jacket is ripped. Did someone do that to you?”

Watch your child’s reactions. Often what a child doesn’t say may be more telling. Tune into your child’s body language. Silence is often powerful.

If you suspect bullying and your child won’t talk to you, then arrange a conference with a trusted adult who knows your child. If your child has more than one teacher you may need to meet with each educator or coach. Keep in mind that bullying usually does not happen in all school settings and in all classrooms. The trick is to figure out if your child is bullied and then where and when it is happening so you can get the right help for your child.

Hint: If your child has a classmate, you might be able to gain more information from the pal than your own child.

Meanwhile, keep an eye on your child. Children who are embarrassed or humiliated about being bullied are unlikely to discuss it with their parents or teachers and generally suffer in silence, withdraw and try to stay away from school.

Stress to your child you are always available, are concerned and recognize bullying may be a problem.

Emphasize that you believe your child and you are there to help.

Please seek the help of a trained mental health professional if the signs continue, intensify, or your gut instinct tells you “something is not right with my child!” Please!

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Is a bully, a bystander, a victim or some combination?

Contributed by Michele Borba, CEP board member

It’s not easy to know that your child is bullying.

It’s hard to admit that your kid is using aggression.

But to allow bullying behaviors to continue will be disastrous to your child’s character, conscience, reputation, well-being and mental health.

No matter the age, gender, religion, or ethnicity, any child resorting to bullying needs an immediate behavior intervention.

Please do not make the mistake of thinking that bullying just “a phase” or a “rite of passage.” Behaviors and attitudes turn into habits and can easily be entrenched and much harder to change. Now is the time to help your child.

A key to changing bullying is to uncover what is motivating the child’s behavior. Each child is different and multiple factors may play into bullying so a “one-size fits all” remedy will not work.

Best intervention plans are based on the “medical model approach.” Doctors don’t give the same medication to every patient. They first identify the symptoms, and then diagnose the reason so they can use the right treatment. The wrong diagnosis means the wrong treatment, and that means your child won’t improve.

The good news is because bullying is a learned behavior it can also be unlearned. The sooner you begin, the greater your success!

Figuring Out Why a Child Bullies

Jot down your ideas helps you see a pattern in your child’s behavior you may overlook.

Roll up your sleeves and let’s get started! I’ll give you solutions, but your first step is to figure out the “why.”

Get a notebook to jot down your thoughts as I help you figure out how to help your child.

You may not need to go through all of these steps. Use those tips that help you most.

Do not expect overnight turnarounds, but know this is doable!

Also, please know that there is no one reason why a child bullies.

Each child is different, and there is no one behavior intervention plan that will work for all kids.

What’s key is to figure out what might be triggering your child’s aggressive behavior. Only then will you be able to develop a specific plan to turn the behavior around.

This may take time. You probably need others to help you develop a plan, but hang in there!

Identify the Reason

Your first step is to determine why your child is using this behavior. What might be triggering your child’s behavior?

Here are a few of the top reasons why kids bully. Could any apply to your child? Think through each item carefully. What is your best guess as to why your child is using aggressive behaviors? There may be another reason beyond this list which you can add to the end.

Your child has been allowed to get away with bullying. Adults are turning a blind eye to the behavior. Or have bullying or aggressive behaviors been rewarded or encouraged? Does your child need firmer limits and monitoring?

Your child has been handed too harsh discipline, too rigid or strict, “conditional” love. Is your child using bullying is as exaggerated need for attention or respect? Does your child need a warm, loving parent?

Your child uses aggression to gain rank, attention, power or show “toughness.” Perhaps she lacks social skills, feels rejected or isolated by peers, and is trying to fit in. Research also finds the urge for popularity — especially for kids on the second tier of the social rung – is a bully motivator. Might this be your child? Does she need to learn social skills or find ways to make and keep friends appropriately?

Your child’s empathy – or feeling for others capacity – has not been encouraged or nurtured at home. Did he have an early trauma or depression, which may inhibit the development of empathy and need counseling? Might your family need to tune up compassion? Is empathy not expected?

Your child is hanging with a group who believes it’s “cool to be cruel.” Could he be mimicking other kids? A child’s social network can inhibit or encourage bullying behaviors. Does he need a new group of pals?

Your child has been bullied and is seeking protection. Could he be serving as henchman for another bully out of fear of being victimized himself? Does he need to learn appropriate assertive skills?

Your child lacks coping skills and is impulsive, unable to control anger, and has a natural tendency to “act out.” Does he need anger management skills?

Your child has adopted the view that aggression is acceptable. Could he be watching television shows, movies and video or computer games that glamorize aggression and cruelty and the exposure affects his behavior and attitude? Has his aggression been reinforced or even encouraged by others? Is he watching others who are aggressive?

Your child… What other reasons could your child be bullying?

Uncover the Cause

Watch your child closer. I know it’s hard to be objective about your child, but try to keep an open mind so you can uncover what’s really going on.

Ask others who care about your child and see him or her in other social situations for their input.

Watch your child in different social settings. Bullying does not happen in all situations and with all kids, so check into each situation. Then answer these next questions:

• Where is this behavior happening most often?
• Where is the behavior not happening? Why? What’s different in those spots?
• Are there certain adults or peers involved in situations where bullying is more frequent?
• What about the time of days?
• How frequently does this happen?

Do the questions help you see any pattern? It sometimes helps if you keep a journal to jot down notes to review.

What is your best guess as to what is triggering the bullying?  Don’t worry if you still don’t know. Just move on to the next step.

Get Your Child’s Take

Now get your child’s take on the situation.

Your role is to try and discover what might be bothering your child or triggering this behavior so you can help, so listen carefully and try to gather facts.

For instance:

• Was he falsely accused?
• Could he be the victim of bullying himself?
• Was he trying to protect himself?
• Is this the only way he can figure out how to find a friend?

Ask: “What do the other kids think about your behavior?”

Ask: “What would your teacher say is the reason you are doing this?”

Ask: “What help do you need to stop?”

Be calm and nonjudgmental as you try to uncover your child’s real motivation. Listen twice as much as you talk.

Keep in mind that your child probably won’t be able to put in words what’s triggering the behavior.

Also, keep in mind that bullies often deny their actions or blame the other kid. You may need to call witnesses to help you get the most accurate picture.

You will need to be the detective.

Dig Deeper

Still unclear? These details will help you piece together what is going on to help prevent a reoccurrence. Ask yourself these questions:

• Where and when did the bullying first happen? Think back…way back.
• What started it? What was going on in your child’s life at the time? Is there anything that might have triggered the behavior?
• Which kids were involved? Which adults were present in your child’s life?
• Were there any adult witnesses that might be able to provide clues?

Create a Plan to Turn Bullying Around

Once you determine what preempted the offense (he uses aggression to make friends, to protect himself, for revenge, to try to look cool), your next step is to work together to try and create an immediate first solution. The objective isn’t to let your child off the hook, but to develop alternatives it won’t happen again. For example:

Problem: He bullies for protection.

Solution: Avoid the spot your child is most likely to be bullied by others; find an older child who can look out for your kid. (See Bully-Proofing Strategies for Kids)

Problem: She bullies to seek power to find friends.

Solution: Find other social avenues where your child can make a new friend; teach her friendship-making skills to boost her social competence. For instance: How to start a conversation, lose gracefully, ask permission or solve problems peacefully. Then target and teach one new skill at a time by showing your child the new strategy and then practicing it until your child can use it alone. (See Nobody Likes Me, Everybody Hates Me, by yours truly and Helping Kids Find, Make and Keep Friends).

Problem: He bullies due to inability to control anger.

Solution: Teach specific anger management strategies (See Anger Management for Kids and Helping Kids Cool Hot Tempers).

Problem: She bullies because she is mimicking other children.

Solution: Watch with whom your kid pals around. Also, check out the day care center, sports teams or other after-school programs your child is enrolled in. Ask teachers for recommendations for a peer group who won’t feed into the behavior.

Problem: He bullies because he doesn’t recognize or care that his behavior is causing his victim distress.

Solution: Boost empathy by asking him to “Switch Places” and pretend to be the victim. Then ask: “How would you feel if someone said that about you?” Tell or read a story in the about a child who is victimized. Consider doing community service as a family. Food drives, picking up trash in the park, painting battered women’s shelters, serving meals at homeless shelters or delivering meals to sick and elderly folks who are housebound are just a few options.

Problem: He bullies because he has a surplus of energy that often is acted out.

Solution: Offer positive alternatives to channel her aggression such as karate, boxing, swimming, jazzercise, weight lifting, soccer, football, or the marching band. But find a physical outlet for your kid to direct his strength and be also praised for his effort.  Also, make sure you teach strategies to help control his anger. (See Helping Kids Cool Hot Tempers).

Once you think you have an idea about the motivation behind your child’s behavior, refer to the specific chapter in my book for solutions in: The Big Book of Parenting Solutions: 101 Answers to Your Everyday Challenges and Wildest Worries or on my website: Michele Borba and refer to the articles in the Bullying section.

Don’t be frustrated! This will take time. Keep a diary of your notes. Keep talking to others who know and care about your child.

Above all, don’t give up!

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Katie Hood, Web Content Coordinator for CEP

Being a relatively new CEP staff member (I started in Sept.), I’m still learning a lot about character education. I know the basics now – start small, get leadership on board, engage your out-of-school community – but I am still amazed when I hear the National Schools of Character stories. True learning happens in these schools because students want to learn, teachers want to teach, and parents and community members support them.

I recently listened to a radio show that discusses issues in American education. This day’s particular show focused on character education, and featured CEP’s National Schools of Character director Lara Maupin, and Crestwood Elementary School (MO) principal Scott Taylor.

The most striking thing I realized while listening to the show was that the most common issues in education: bullying, poor academic performance, pressure for students to reach test scores rather than truly learn just aren’t issues at NSOCs.

Scott talked about how his school earned the “Nobel Prize of Education,” according to his superintendent. His school was the only school in 2011 to be distinguished as a Blue Ribbon School and also a National School of Character. He said in the show, “It’s a tremendous honor –really the highest honor you can achieve in education – and certainly we would not have accomplished that without the character program that we have in place.”

That struck a chord with me because the correlation is really becoming clear about how character education relates to students doing better and being better. They said that teachers have more time to teach when they use character education as the foundation of their pedagogy. Students hold themselves and each other accountable to the virtues and values that they establish as important in their school. These values are typically respect, responsibility, honesty, doing your best – standards that most agree are positive. That way, teachers can spend their time teaching instead of disciplining students’ bad behavior.

It is important, they say, for the school community (students, parents, teachers, administrators, community leaders) to all discuss and reach consensus about the values taught. There is no one-size-fits-all character education program that works for everyone, but there are principles that can help guide all schools in providing quality character education. And these principles work for all types of schools – urban, rural, suburban, rich, poor, middle-income, minority, homogeneous, you name it.

Character education is not an add-on. It’s the foundation. And “when parents, staff, and students come together – great things happen,” says Principal Taylor. The proof is in the 170 NSOCs. Lara says, “In all of our NSOCs, we’ve seen the metrics go in the right direction, for both academic and discipline and behavior.”

Listening to this show really helped me understand how effective, comprehensive character education can be a part of the reform so obviously needed in American schools.

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I had the great fortune of being raised by a loving family. They instilled in me certain values that shaped me into the person I am today. None of the adults in my family had much of a formal education though. My grandfather, for example, came to our country at the age of 10 with about a fifth grade education. He was a water boy on the railroad and later became a shoemaker.

My father never graduated from high school either. He fixed wrecked cars for a living and eventually owned his own shop–“Mazzola’s Body Shop.” It never had running water or central heat. During the winter, he burned coal in a pot-belly stove to warm the place up. I loved hanging out at his shop, and I learned a lot, too. Most people don’t know it, but I’ve painted cars, changed engines, installed transmissions, and I still service my own vehicles. In fact, I’m doing a brake job on my son’s car this weekend.

Oh. I forgot to mention why my dad never graduated from high school. He quit at the start of his senior year to go fight in World War II with his older brothers. You see, service to the nation was just one of the values stressed in our family. Since that was the case, it was an easy decision for me to enlist in the Air Force when I got older, even though it was very unpopular at the time.

Although I planned on doing my hitch and then moving on, I ended up spending more than 25 years in uniform. I did so because I loved being part of something meaningful, I loved working with honorable men and women, and I loved the fact that my organization stressed many of the same values I learned at home: Integrity, Service and Excellence.

Every year in November we celebrate Veterans Day. This year, encourage your students to reach out to veterans in your community. Besides having them thank the vets for their service, have them ask about the core values the vets lived by and how those values impacted their personal character. And, after Veterans Day, have the students share what they learned. I think you’ll find this can be a powerful character-building experience…and that’s what all good character educators look for!

Thanks for all you do to develop young men and women of good character for our world.

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Building a caring learning community goes beyond the four walls of a classroom.  At Lake Carolina Elementary, the faculty and staff have been deliberate in their approach to developing a caring community since the school opened in 2002.  We have worked to foster authentic relationships among students, faculty, families, and other members of our surrounding neighborhoods. We acknowledge that each of these stakeholders is an essential part.

As a team of educators, we realize that in order to build a strong school community, it is imperative to invest in each other as colleagues.  Teachers participate in professional workshops and outside-of-school activities to cultivate genuine relationships with each other and develop the faculty into a cohesive team. What we learn as professionals is then transferred into individual classroom communities by incorporating strategies such as daily morning meetings and end of day closure gatherings that give students the opportunity to connect with one another.

Students are encouraged to personally use and highlight others’ use of the school’s core values throughout the day. The core values are incorporated into academic lessons and deliberately used in classroom conversations. Students frequently work together in small groups or pairs. We know that learning is a social activity and this collaboration is essential in developing a caring learning community.

At other times, multiple classes are able to collaborate together. The school’s reading buddies program is a cross-age mentoring program that allows upper grade levels to work together with younger students.  Another way classes collaborate among each other is when they all work together as a team to keep the school’s Peace Flag flying.  On days when the flag flies, it serves as a tangible symbol of Lake Carolina’s caring community. On the other hand, when major discipline infractions occur the Peace Flag cannot fly. Administrators, teachers, and parents use the event as a learning experience to help students discover what better choices were available and which of the school’s core values should have been used to avoid the Flag not flying.

A caring school community not only involves teachers and students, but also parents and community members. Teachers at Lake Carolina view themselves as active, invested members of the greater school community. They attend students’ extracurricular activities such as sporting events and dance recitals in the community.  They also partner with parents to organize community events such as a family heritage night that embraces our school’s cultural diversity, family game nights, and service learning projects.  Community members also participate in these events and frequently serve as volunteers during the school day, mentoring and reading with students.

The faculty and staff’s efforts to build a strong school community result in students feeling comfortable enough to openly share with adults at school their concerns about academic struggles, conflicts with peers, or difficulties at home. In many ways, the greatest attribute of a School of Character is its caring community.

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In a town settled by Quakers, otherwise known as Friends, Principle 10 wasn’t too difficult to sell. A small bedroom community outside of Houston, Friendswood was founded with core values in mind. But knowing about character and putting character into action are two different things, so in 1987 a group of 120 concerned citizens gathered to decide which values would be important to focus on for the students and families in the Friendswood Independent School District. And so our character education initiative began.

When it needed a booster shot, the School Board revitalized and consolidated the initiative by adopting the Character Counts! (CC!) framework in 2001. Westwood Elementary, one of six schools in the district, has been weaving the Six Pillars of Character into the very fabric of our school ever since.

Stakeholders help make Westwood Elementary School a caring community. Our character-building efforts today are extensive; parent and community volunteers clock an average of 1,210 hours per month. Westwood’s Parent-Teacher Organization intentionally organizes family gatherings outside of the school day like grade-level Skate Nights, Donuts with Dudes and Divas, BEAR (Be Enthusiastic About Reading) Night and the annual Round-Up Carnival. These moms and dads, grandmas and grandpas are vital to our school success.

They get very creative in their fundraising efforts by offering teacher treats as silent auction items, creating great connections for kids. For example, the principal donated a bowling outing, the counselor donated a cooking lesson, the assistant principal donated a canoe trip, some teachers donated a movie night, and another teacher donated a picnic in the park. These outings really energize students because they get to spend some quality time with their character role models and faculty, and the treats energize faculty because they get to better know their students more personally while the school benefits financially.

Teenagers from Friendswood High School regularly visit our campus. As Peer Assistance and Leadership (PAL) students, they come to us weekly to mentor. As Math Club members, they tutor. As Hometown Heroes, they lead pep rallies and serve as role models. As Future Farmers of America, they bring their animals once a year for a Go Texan Day. Health Occupations Student Association  students serve as Germ Busters and come to teach us healthy habits. Integrity Teams prepare and teach a monthly character lesson.

Adult mentors from all walks of life are also vital to our character building. Principal’s Partners volunteer to tutor and read one-on-one with students who need a little extra boost. Mystery Readers from the community share their favorite books to make a literacy connection. Parent volunteers cover classes so teachers can participate in our Lunch Bunch program that treats staff to a lunch out with others who have a birthday that month.

Also, The Rotary Club partners with us to help bring our service-learning projects full circle; last year they put money aside to ship the items that we had collected for two “adopted” soldiers on active duty in Iraq and Afghanistan. The Friendswood Police Department sends a D.A.R.E. officer to conduct safety trainings with our students and teach them refusal skills, courage, and safety.

The local Knitting Guild volunteers to assist in our Knit-For-Service Club efforts. These mentors help our students learn to knit so that they can make caps for newborns and patches for blankets in their quest to reduce the infant mortality rate and Warm Up America! Area and family Veterans are invited and honored by our first graders on Veterans’ Day.

When we hosted a Career Awareness Day last May, some 45 community workers signed up to join us and share information about their career paths with our future leaders.

Finally, the school intentionally works to welcome families to spend some time with us after hours. In a typical year, we’ll host Family Math and Wellness Night, Family Character Night, Literacy Night, What’s Up at Westwood Night, Grandparents’ Night, Parent Preview, and a Second-Grade Musical.

It truly does take a village to raise a child, and at Westwood, we appreciate the unique contribution of every villager as we constantly welcome new friends to the fold.

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If you’re reading this blog, I hope you will be in attendance at the National Forum on Character Education in San Francisco Oct 28th – 30th. Like me, you are probably very excited that character education is gaining in the educational priority lineup!

I happen to be a forum breakout speaker, my name is Sue Lee and I’m presenting Friday the 29th 2:30-3:45pm. My topic is: Thriving – The Power of Positive Emotional Development. The National Scientific Council On The Developing Child out of Harvard, states, “That emotional intelligence is hardwired into the very architecture of the brain.” As a nation and as educators we must become aware of the significance of that in regards to character education. I will be addressing that a child’s character development is not only hardwired in their brain, but the fact that character development/EQ is actually linked to the physical formation of the brain. That phenomena leads to a developing belief that our nurture becomes our nature.

EQ/Emotional Intelligence is what allows us to put our IQ to work. It is how we build and develop character and it begins before birth. We have yet to raise a generation of children who believe in their own abilities and the power of their thoughts. We have yet to raise a whole generation that begins school with similar life skills that will allow children to become the hero or heroine in their own life’s story. As an educator I can’t think of anything more exciting than the fact that we might help children obtain the character skills to live a life, so as adults at the end they might feel they thrived instead of merely survived.

Imagine if every child starting school had:
• A belief in self and in others.
• A belief that “I have what it takes!”
• A belief that “I can thrive!”
• A belief that life is what you participate in, not what happens to you!
• A belief, ”There is awe and wonder in each day.”
• A belief that, “I can do it!”
And a knowing, that the most important conversation they might have in any given day is the one in their own head!

As a life management skills educator I have worked with thousands of adults and practically everyone said, “If only I had learned these skills as a child!” EQ skills, character skills are not only teachable they are easy and fun to learn in the early years of life. I hope you join me as Friday Oct. 29th 2:30 -3:45 as we explore more of these concerns, realities and issues.
See you at the National Forum!
Sue Lee, Creator of “I Believe in Me!” a 2009 Parents’ Choice Award Winner, for her DVD program for preschoolers.
www.ibelieveinme.tv

****Forum presenters, we encourage you to respond with information about your sessions!  What does character education mean to you?   What do you like best about the National Forum on Character Education?

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How do we prepare our students for a future in which the jobs they will be doing do not yet exist and the technologies that they will be working with have not yet been invented? The answer to this question is varied and controversial. However, one thing we know for sure is we have to teach our students to lead, act responsibly and respect each other.There are many opportunities for students to gain leadership skills and embody our culture of good character at Beverly Woods Elementary School. In the primary grades, students gain the skills through hands-on service learning projects and character education lessons. In the upper elementary grades, students become school leaders and serve as role models for the entire school.

Leadership opportunities are available through our mini-society as well as through two unique groups: Kid’s Character Council and Peer Mediators/Character Coaches.

Our mini-society provides an opportunity for students in grades 3-5 to be involved in making our school a better place to learn. Student jobs provide real world opportunities for students to learn about responsibility, leadership, and citizenship. Examples of student jobs are morning announcement broadcasters, school newspaper, recycling club, and adaptive P.E., a special P.E. program that pairs a typically-developed student with an exceptional student.

Students choose a job and complete an application in which they must explain in writing which character traits they possess that qualify them for the job of their choice. Then students participate in an interview conducted by volunteers in the community. Our students take the interview very seriously and practice important skills such as a firm handshake, eye contact, and clear communication.

Kid’s Character Council provides another opportunity for students to hold a leadership position in the school. These student leaders serve as positive role models for their peers and encourage the school community to participate in school-wide service learning projects. For example, Beverly Woods has a relationship with a local charity that serves homeless children in our school system. Character Council members visit classrooms and go on morning announcements to raise awareness and promote service projects benefiting this organization. Council members also organize and participate in a service project over the summer that provides a hot meal for students and their families in a nearby high poverty elementary school.

A new program that we are starting this year is Peer Mediation/Character Coaches. Student leaders received training in mediation and conflict resolution techniques. Peer mediators will conduct mediation sessions designed to help students with disputes to resolve their own conflicts. In addition, these students will serve as character coaches by participating in school-wide behavior expectation assemblies and appearing on the morning broadcast where they will talk about our character traits as well as positive conflict resolution strategies.

At Beverly Woods our mission is to provide students with a strong academic and character-based foundation which will prepare them to explore, lead, and serve in our global society. We seek to continuously improve our existing programs as well as identify new programs that will develop student leadership skills and positive character.

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By the fall of 2008, Greenfield Elementary School was well on its way to integrating its core values of respect, responsibility and kindness into our school culture.  This is when we began the serious task of taking a critical look at our school-wide discipline system, through the eyes of the Character Education Partnership’s 11 Principles and our own core values.

What Discipline Looked Like Then
Our school operated with a “ticket” system for severe infractions (from a list of disrespectful and unsafe behaviors) and “card turns” in the classroom (green to yellow to red and beyond).  Students who earned a ticket also earned the consequence of after-school detention.  Students who “got to red” on the color chart missed a recess or lost a similar privilege.  Chronic card turns also resulted, ultimately, in the student receiving a ticket as well.  On the reward side, we offered “Caught Being Good” slips for children who “did the right thing” when they thought no one was looking.  These slips were pulled from a jar in the office once a week for prizes at the school store.

At that time, our school was a well-organized and safe environment where students had consistent, clear and well-defined limits (rules) and consequences.  In the classroom, there was order and predictability.  Our school had an overall feeling of calm – due primarily to this consistency, coupled with the high level of warmth and kindness emanating from our staff.  On the surface, our discipline system worked.  Yet, there were several underlying problems it was unable to address or mitigate.  For example, students with chronic behavior problems never seemed to improve and often times got worse.  Teachers commented that, although efficient and expedient, the use of card turns often created anger, resentment and discouragement in students that seemed to last all day.  Our fifth grade teachers finally decided to do away with card turns for this very reason.  We also began to realize that our “Caught Being Good” slips had little or no effect on disruptive students, nor did they give our more compliant students any framework for understanding their own moral choices and why they were good or bad.

The Change Process
Using the 11 Principles rubric and the recommendations from our NSOC site visitors (we had been named a NSOC Finalist in May 2008), we began the change process.  Our Character Education Committee developed a sub-committee on school wide discipline.  It was co-chaired by second grade teacher and lower team leader, Lynn Cronin and school social worker, Katie Ehmann.  They researched best practice and character-based discipline in school.  We then met as an entire committee with representation from every grade level, special classes, support services and community-based services.  We used the Professional Learning Community model to begin working together to formulate a new, character-based system of discipline.  We started by reading selected research, discussed our current practices in light of this research, and made lists of what we do well and what isn’t working.  We created new school rules based on our core values and began to think deeply about how children learn.  We began to model and practice more and more when our students didn’t display the behaviors we were asking them to demonstrate. These discussions guided us in the formulation of a logical and natural consequence approach to discipline.  We also embraced three compelling strategies we learned from the Responsive Classroom model: loss of privilege, “you break it you fix it” and apology of action.   In March, 2009, we launched our new plan by totally eliminating card turns, tickets and “Caught Being Good” slips.

What Discipline Looks Like Now
In order to provide a visual tool for teachers to refer to when making critical decisions about student discipline and to provide a consistent framework for such decision-making, we created a pyramid of interventions in graphic form.  On the base of the pyramid were all the school wide practices that support character development, teach children the “whys” of good behavior and build the social-emotional culture of the school.  These practices include Morning Meeting, “Solve-It-Spot,” class and grade level (team) meetings, peer mediation and leadership group.  On the next level are mild levels of intervention such as “Refocus” (tool to allow students to refocus and rejoin the group without the disruption of teaching or learning); logical/natural consequences; modeling and practice and discussion.  Moderate interventions include those mentioned above:  loss of privilege, “you break it you fix it” and apology of action.  For serious discipline matters, we now us a Reflection Sheet that has guided, character-based questions that help students understand how their behavior hurt others: including classmates, teacher, parents/family and themselves.  Before they tell us their plan for solving this behavior problem, students meet with 2-3 adults in a “character” conference to go over the reflection sheet and talk about it in depth.  Our goal is to create students who are intrinsically motivated to “do the right thing, even when no one is looking.”  At the very top of the pyramid are those interventions that are part of a comprehensive behavior support plan that is individualized for those students who need this type of support.  We are in the process of studying Ross Greene’s Collaborative Problem Solving model for use with individual students in the future.

A Work in Progress
We just finished creating a discipline folder with forms and suggestions for all staff members to use.  We are still discussing what works well and what needs revision.  We feel that we are on the right track toward creating a school culture where students really learn about the whys of good behavior, grow in conscience, develop morally and socially and understand at a deep level our core values of respect, responsibility and kindness.

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